Now The Update

All right.

I'mma just post a conversation I had with a friend. That'll sum it up more easily.

Mateo
so hows things?
talk with boy at all about the stuff we talked about?
JJ ex oh ex oh
when did you and i last talk?
Mateo
idk, couple 3 4 days ago
JJ ex oh ex oh
kk
friday night he told me he was going to fall in love with me soon
he was a lil post-drunk
Mateo
drunk person words are a sober persons thoughts
JJ ex oh ex oh
saturday night we went to a party together, i got drunk (DRUNK) off of one 7% berr
hahh
Mateo
jesus
JJ ex oh ex oh
i know.
sunday he told me he was truly in love with me (we were laying in bed)
i didn't say it back
yesterday he told me he was still absolutely in love with me
and i said even after one day?
and he said yes
JJ ex oh ex oh
hahhhhahah
but i didn't say it back
the end?
Mateo
jeeze, lol
JJ ex oh ex oh
yah
Mateo
so hows things going with that awkwardness
JJ ex oh ex oh
it's not awkward at all
i think that while i love him, i'm not in love with him
but he says that you "love" your friends and family
but are "in love" with your significant other
so if i told him i loved him, it wouldn't be significant to him
almost like a kick in the balls
JJ ex oh ex oh
but i KNOW i'm not in love with him
and i don't wanna lie to him, or bullshit him
like things were starting to be good for me, like a level i could handle
but now this is here
and it's like hey, what's up, let's up this whole committment/intimate thing
intimacy* would be proper grammar
i spelled commitment wrong
damn it
Mateo
not worried about spelling right now
JJ ex oh ex oh
i am!
Mateo
so not majorly worried, but it is in your mind, correct?
JJ ex oh ex oh
so that's where we're at. and we have really intimate moments, which i adore.
uhm well
i don't feel pressured to say it back
and he knows i won't until i want to
so i guess i'm glad he's open with me?
Mateo
but you feel kinda bad that hes thrown himself out there and you havent
JJ ex oh ex oh
exactly
i feel like i need to be more open with him, even on a general basis
i wish i could allow myself to be vulnerable
but i'm too protected
i truly want to put myself out there for him, but i can't
idk why
but i just stay so closed
JJ ex oh ex oh
he says constantly that he gets butterflies when talking to me
JJ ex oh ex oh
sometimes when i'm about to turn into his driveway, or when i'm waiting for him somewhere. like i'm excited to see him
i mean i want to feel romantic, intimate butterflies with him
i'm just happy
overwhelmingly happy
like last night
this is cute
JJ ex oh ex oh
we're going to the beach in a couple weeks and we're driving down together. he says he wants to drive because then he can drive us both back up here to my graduation, because he wants to come
and him saying that made me so happy, i cried

Hmm. Whatcha think guys?