Inexpressable

I've been staring at this blank entry for moments now. Sometimes when I'm writing a paper, I wish to myself that I could just draw my pencil across the page, and the places where my letters need to be would be slightly raised, like when you do leaf prints with crayons, and my whole paper would be there when the pencil runs over the words. That's how I wish this post could be... But since it's virtual, I wish I could highlight the entire section and see what I'm going to write. I just want the words to appear for me; perfectly expressed, perfectly spelled, everything I want to convey already done for me; the tangle of thoughts in my mind finally unwound and laid out to organize and analyze. It's like each individual neuron is a thought, and the neurons interconnect and cross and overlap and split into all the other neurons. You would have to cut the cross-hairs of them to have each thought to itself, but then you lose the integrity of it.

I have two things I want to put down tonight before I go to bed. The first is the tree from which the second branches off of. I've mentioned this to Jon a few times, but I never told him what it was in its entirety.

Everyone starts out perfect. It is their imperfections we fall in love with. Every personality piece, every reaction to action, every freckle on a person's skin or fleck of color in a person's iris... The differentiation from perfection causes interest, curiosity, the desire to understand. Every split end of hair is something to study, every nerve impulse something to analyze. The biological functions, the physiological artwork, the psychological processing, all of it conforms to a mess of carbon, organs, weakness and beauty.

The excess from the human mold allows for cracks and dissociations between intent and result. Is free will what causes your imperfections? Without imperfections, you are perfect. God is perfect. Do you choose your differences or does God allow you this choice? Through your choices, you allow for the biological matchmaking to occur, which is supposedly the purpose of life. If God allows purpose, and ultimately gives you purpose, would he allow you to never make the decisions which affect this? Or does He choose with whom your brain's chemistry reacts? Is His power more in you or in your mate? The brain is meant for pairing; humans need a mate. Love, in its chemical underpinnings, is nothing more than hormonal changes. But, these hormones cause disconnections and reconnections through neurons. The rewiring of your brain is a result of love.

I have to build onto that but I just fell asleep. Maybe later.