Dear Jon

Dear Jon,

I'm at a loss as to how to start this. All the words I had in my head last night have evaporated, leaving only clouds of thought in my mind. I think we clash... We're opposite in materialism, the way we were raised, expectations, conscientiousness, forethought, hobbies... even our outlooks on partying. And I don't feel like I can ignore how this is making me feel any longer. I feel like you're too childish and random for me and I'm too stubborn and argumentative for you. I love you dearly honey, but something needs to change. I don't know if that something is going to be within us or US, but it needs to happen or I can't do this anymore. I feel like we don't make enough time for each other. Your definition of quality time is being in the same vicinity; mine is talking for hours. That means you're satisfied and I'm not. There's no 'magic' between us unless I'm drunk or high. What kind of passion is that? Not something that's going to last. I've found that I can't appreciate your constantly wondrous outlook on life, and instead it just pisses me off and makes me feel like you're too easy distracted and engaged in things other than myself. I feel like you're oblivious to how your actions affect me. Sometimes all I want to be happy is to hold your hand, even one finger, but you don't see this and pull away to pay attention to whatever has just caught your eye. I know you love me Jon but it's hard to feel loved with you sometimes. And that's not the kind of relationship I ever intended to be in.

I want to be someone's 'girl'... Someone's baby, someone's girlfriend, someone's sweetheart. And right now, I only feel like I'm your friend. Maybe I expect too much, or maybe I don't appreciate what you do enough. If you think that this is the case then tell me. I can try and change, too. But point blank, I can't do what we've been doing. It is not going to work. We're too different and too incompatible.

I'm unhappy Jon. The trip to DC highlighted a lot of things that are wrong in our relationship, like you thinking I was personally attacking you by correcting you and then you jumping down my throat. Why wouldn't you walk next to me? I felt like you ignored me for the majority of the trip. I don't know what that mess was, but I absolutely will not tolerate that. Maybe you were overwhelmed by everything we were seeing, but if you'd taken a moment you would have noticed that I wanted to be with you.

I'm not really sure where this leaves us. I guess we're going to have a talk. I want to be optimistic but there are a lot of dysfunctions between us. You don't seem to notice them, but it's a problem for me. So here you go.