Life has changed... Things are so different than how they last were. Jon got an apartment in Hillsborough with his childhood friend Trey. I got a puppy but was told I couldn't keep it at home. My parents won't let me stay at my house if the dog is with me, so I've been living with Jon. I've been working as a waitress for about a month now. The money is nice but I don't get home until late in the night. It's 2am as I write this, and I wasn't home until an hour ago. I'm being slowly worn down.
I started school at UNC. It's a lot of homework, but the class material isn't hard. I have to do genetics and psychology homework once I'm done writing this. I'm probably changing my major, also.
I hate that I've no choice (besides give away my puppy) other than to stay and live with Jon. Neither of us is ready; I can see it in our conversation. I hope that we can make it work... But we have little issues that need to be worked out before I'll get optimistic about this. He's asleep next to me now... I've been trying to help him in Spanish but it doesn't click for him like it does for me.
I've been so sad recently... I got over my strange sickness and have been recurrently sad in the late evenings. I don't know why, though. Maybe it's stress.
I miss my family a lot. I want to go home and see them every day, but recently I've been averaging twice a week. It hurts. I don't want Jon to know how homesick I am, but at the same time it's hard because he and I both have packed schedules that don't coincide well. I miss him nearly as much as I miss the family... Even though I see him every day.
I never, ever imagined that we'd have the relationship we do. He has plans to marry me... Kids and all that... Whereas a year ago we were just starting to flirt again. I like it, and I love him, but it's strange to think about... About how much can change in a year. One year ago, I was in Ohio with Corey, celebrating his birthday with his family. Tomorrow is Corey's 21st birthday. I may text him in the morning but definitely not in the evening... His drunk texts are the last thing I need right now. It's amazing how he went from my everything to my annoyance. He was what gave me purpose, and now he's just a frustration in the form of text messages. And this same time last year, Jon was pushing back into my life. A month from now, one year ago, Jon and I first kissed. My intimacy with Corey ended, and began with Jon. I transitioned from safety to the thrills of someone new, someone who wasn't emotionally depleting, someone who made me feel good about myself, someone who made me feel wanted. I'm just lucky it worked out the way it did... That Jon was/is no longer a player, and that he has the maturity and passivity I need in my life. He's good for me... He's teaching me. I'm a little insecure with him but we also haven't intimately known each other for long. I need to stop comparing nearly 5 months to 2 years. It's not fair to anyone involved...
And that includes myself.
